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Déja Vu?

I started to feel poker calling my name yesterday morning. I was shaving at the time and thought, "I'd really like to play some poker". I've honestly given up trying to figure out the ebb and tide of my desire to play poker. For better or worse, poker is a part of my life now. It's more than a hobby, ridiculous as that sounds given my lifetime results. I don't define my life in terms of poker but it's become a part of my self-identity. There's no point fighting it: I'll keep playing poker for as long as I can. Small stakes or high stakes: it makes no difference. There will always come a time when I'll feel like doing nothing other than kicking back, mouse in hand and virtual cards in the air.

I came back from a last major hiatus from poker just under a year ago. It must be something about October that makes me feel like living my life from someplace other than in front of a computer. I think it has something to do with both of my boys being born in October. Family comes first and it's easy to leave poker and all of its accompanying baggage behind when the rest of my life comes strongly to the forefront.

My plans for getting back to poker are two-fold. First, I've cleared the slate in terms of tracking my bankroll and results. I use PokerDominator to track everything I do at the tables. Given my results over the past year, I've decided that a soft-reset was in order for confidence's sake. I need to look ahead at what I can do with my bankroll instead of looking behind. Of course, I still have all of my poker hands recorded by Poker Tracker and regularly backed up to an external hard drive. It's one thing to look ahead yet another thing to throw past experience away.

The second part of my "plan" is to start playing poker right away. I'm thinking of sticking with Omaha/8 until I've finished clearing my bonus at Stars. I'm also going to dabble in some PLO and NLHE games too. Even sit-n-gos and heads-up play are not out of the question. I'm going to play whatever seems like fun to me at the time. I may even give Full Tilt's Poker Academy a try if it's still up and running. I may even try Razz to justify an impulse buy I made last month.

I'm going to try very hard to enjoy poker again. It sounds like an oxymoron to work hard at having fun at the tables but it's something I have to do. And it doesn't come easily to me. I think much of my negative attitude comes from a constant need to justify my time spent playing poker to my family, to my readers, and to myself. It's the same with video games I guess...though I've never lost $400 in an evening spent playing games on my Xbox 360.

I feel that I've discussed my feelings on finding balance between work, family, and poker all too often over the past four years. No more talk. Win or lose, I've got some poker to play.

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