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Lost


I've hit a bit of a funk with poker lately. Anyone who chooses to play poker inevitably hits this wall at some point.

In some ways, it's awful to lose the desire to play poker. I love riding the bus, watching a poker video on my Zune, and counting the hours until I can sit down and play. But that feeling's gone right now. All I feel right now is a pervasive "meh" feeling towards the game that has given me so much over the past four years.

Unlike other hobbies, poker really makes you work for "it". It's fun, it's challenging and, if you're dedicated to a continuous learning process and putting in the hours at the table, it can be a financially rewarding hobby as well. But none of that matters to me right now.

Sometimes all it takes is a little taste of a non-poker existence to put me on a bout of poker apathy. I played some great video games over the past couple weeks and realized that the world didn't end when I stopped playing poker. And so I played some more video games. For me, video games are a way of recapturing my youth. Poker, on the other hand, is much more grounded in my present reality.

Poker takes work. Poker makes me money. I need to work and make money for my family to survive in this crappy dog-eat-dog world that we've created for ourselves. And as soon as I start to think this way, my desire to play poker becomes exclusively dependent on my short-term results. I'm a busy many and I don't have time for a broader view of my time at the tables. If I play tonight, will I make money: yes or no? And when that answer comes back "No" just as often (or even less) than a "Yes" answer, I stop wanting to play poker.

I think an ideal job for me would be to manage a number of web sites or blogs focusing on the games and hobbies that I love. I'd also look to get into some form of video game journalism and play poker semi-professionally to make ends meet. Of course, the term "ideal" is perhaps a little too strong. For any job to be truly ideal, I'd have to be able to make a lot of money doing it. Mortgages, car loans, dentists, doctors bills, home repair, kids, clothing, and food are extremely expensive. If I were to pursue something that I liked to do in life, I would fall well short of making my nut every month. And that sucks...

Nothing will change for me in the near future. I'll continue doing what I must and not what I want. Hopefully I'll want to play poker again soon. Even a little extra money every month helps out. I believe that my recent book purchase,Advanced Pot-Limit Omaha: Small Ball and Short-Handed Play, should be in my mailbox tonight. Maybe that will give me the inspiration I need to get back to the online poker tables.

2 comments:

The Poker Meister said...

Dude. Go back to NLHE for a little bit at least. Then your answer as to whether you'll make money or not will be a resounding "yes."

Klopzi said...

I think a focus on fewer games might be best to help get me past the downswing I'm in right now.